Side Quest: Chicken Math

Ever heard of “Chicken Math?”

According to Yahoo’s AI summary, “Chicken math refers to the humorous way chicken keepers justify acquiring more chickens than they initially planned…The concept highlights the joy and obsession of raising chickens, leading to impulsive purchases.”

I can’t help but be reminded of Bambi…

Flower: “Well. What’s the matter with them?”

Thumper: “Why are they acting that way?”

Friend Owl: “Hehehe. Why don’t you know? They’re twitterpated.”

Bambi, Flower, and Thumper: “Twitterpated?”

Friend Owl: “Yes. Nearly everyone gets twitterpated in the springtime.”

Chicken math and twitterpation have a lot in common. People warn you it will happen. You scoff because “it’ll never happen to me!” And then—bam—it happens. Every spring.

Last spring, we started with just a few chicks. Eight, to be exact. Then we got four more. And then another three, just because.

Granted, we lost six of them, so we only ended up with nine.

This spring, I was prepared.

I had a Plan.

Our poultry purchases would be Intentional—not driven by impulse.

First, I calculated our coop and run capacity. We couldn’t have more than twenty-five birds. Perfect. A Limit. Necessary to keep that wily Chicken Math in check.

Next, I prioritized egg color. We already had white and medium brown, so I wanted to add blue, green, dark brown, and light brown—a proper rainbow basket.

Then, I filled in the remaining “slots” with breeds I simply liked the look of. Birds I would enjoy seeing roam our property.

Finally, I accounted for loss. Based on last year’s experience, I estimated a 40% loss rate. That meant we could reasonably purchase eighteen chicks.

Eighteen! More than enough.

Two of each breed. Maybe three of the important ones. Plenty of margin.

On February 17, we made our first trip to Lumber 2.

I bought eleven chicks.

They didn’t have all the breeds we wanted, but assured us the rest would arrive the next day.

So naturally…we went back.

And bought eleven more.

Twenty-two chicks in two days.

Okay, yes, that was a few more than eighteen—but we were expecting losses, so really, it made sense. Right?

Between those two trips, we brought home:

• 2 Barred Chickens – the classic black and white checkered pattern
• 3 Black Copper Marans – the darkest brown eggs
• 2 Buff Orpingtons – fluffy gold
• 2 Lavender Orpingtons – fluffy gray
• 4 Easter Eggers – blue, green, or even pink eggs
• 2 Welsummers – freckled brown eggs
• 2 Olive Eggers – olive eggs
• 2 Sapphire Olive Eggers – light gray, olive eggs
• 2 Creme Legbars – light blue eggs
• 1 Silver-Laced Wyandotte Rooster

The following week, I grew weary of listening to the squabbles over who got rooster-naming rights. We had plenty of hens, and I reasoned…we could make room for one more rooster.

Back to Lumber 2 we went.

We came home with

• one rooster chick (an Onyx Olive Egger)
• one duckling (a White Layer that my youngest bought with her own money)
• one pullet (a Sapphire Gem—a beautiful, blue-gray)

For those keeping count, that brought us to:

twenty-four chicks, one duckling…plus nine grown hens and four grown ducks.

Soon after, I saw a post in a local Facebook group.

Someone nearby was selling:

• Ayam Cemani—stunning, entirely black chickens
• “Zombie Chickens”—a Cemani cross with white feathers and black speckles

I didn’t even think those were available around here.r

Since they were more expensive—and we were, ahem, nearing capacity—I decided I could get just one of each.

When they hatched, my friend and I went together to pick them out.

On the way, I gave her two chicks from my original group, bringing my total down to twenty-two.

Responsible. Balanced. Controlled.

I came home with:

• one Ayam Cemani
• one Zombie
• one Splash Maran
• one Chocolate Orpington
• one Silkie

Which brought the total to:

twenty-seven chicks, one duckling, nine grown hens, and four grown ducks.

A grand total of…forty-one birds.

Forty-one.

I…may have lost track somewhere.

So, how did I get here?

Chicken Math.

And perhaps…a slight lack of impulse control.

But at least—Lord willing—we’ll have quite the rainbow basket to show for it come summer.

And, as if that wasn’t enough, in April we brought home one gosling from our trip to Iowa…and hatched twelve ducklings.

So, in full transparency, I suppose the grand total is actually fifty-four:

Fifty-four birds, y’all.

Twenty-seven chicks, thirteen ducklings, one gosling, nine grown hens, and four grown ducks…

…and a partridge in a pear tree.

Find out all about our gosling in Meet Spot, coming May 26.