A Time for Peace

Any runner will tell you that the first mile is a Liar.

There is something about that first mile that cues the body to sound every alarm. Your breathing is off, your stride is off, and your thoughts begin to rebel.

So you quit.

Or you keep going, because you remember: the first mile is a Liar—and mile two gets better.

So, too, my first week with three bottle-fed lambs was a Liar.

As waves of panic slammed into me again and again, I found myself tempted to sell animals left and right. The logic was simple: fewer animals would bring me back within my capacity and restore my peace.

But the Truth was, it wasn’t the animals.

It was my nervous system, which simply needed time—and steady routines—to settle. My capacity could and would grow. But a rash decision—one I might later regret—would only multiple problems down the road.

As I battled the warring thoughts between what I believed was my calling and the temptation to throw it all away, I finally broke down and sought my husband’s counsel. I admitted that perhaps I had made a mistake. Perhaps I had gone one step too far in saying yes. Perhaps I truly had bitten off more than I could chew.

I had prayed extensively before deciding to bring home two bottle-fed lambs. But what if I had been wrong? What if these lambs weren’t meant for us after all?

My husband, wisely, told me to give it a week before making any changes.

Smart man.

He also made one thing very clear: I would not be doing this alone.

Last spring, I had the full support of our family—emotionally and physically. This year was different. I was carrying guilt, my middle child was sick, and much of the weight had quietly shifted onto my shoulders.

So, I gave it a week.

I asked my children for help, even as my anxiety flared. I submitted myself to the daily rhythms and let them do their quiet work on my nervous system.

A week later, the lambs had names—a sure sign they were here to stay. The panic loosened its grip. The guilt began to fall away layer by layer. The anxiety softened.

And in its place, something steady took root.

Peace.

The ground beneath me felt firm again. I didn’t know what the future held, but for that moment, it was enough.

I had found peace.

I had found my rhythm and my nervous system was finally catching up.

Then came the next challenge: leaving the flocks behind while we traveled to visit our family on their farm.

👉 Up next: Leaving the Flocks